Who are the architects of our culture? Politicians? Church leaders? Teachers? Teenagers? Parents?
What do I mean by culture? The tribe, the groups that help us achieve belonging.
How many tribes can I belong to? Where and what are my cultures? Let’s see, Female, mature, compassionate, fierce, opinionated and curious. Who is or was my architect? The architect of my culture varies from life stage to life stage. My Family of origin (FOO) was the architect and general contractor of my childhood. Powerful imprinting occurs here for all of us.
As hormones shift most of us diverge from the FOO to the FOP (Family of Peers). Peer culture is powerful and can shape a person’s sense of self-worth for years and also become a very destructive influence. Just ask a room full of 40 year olds to raise their hands if they are A students, B students et cetera. Most of the people raising their hands have not been in a classroom for close to 20 years or more. They still feel they belong to the A group even if they are living marginal lives. They still see themselves as A’s. There are many highly successful people who achieved little in school and may have dropped out and they still get a twinge from raising their hand for the C group. Who do young people usually first drink or take drugs with in a group? Parents can really not know what goes on with their children’s peers. The kids who play on teams, dress the way their parents want and attend church may also be experimenting with drugs and alcohol. It only takes the need for belonging to override what Mama and Daddy said once and then it begins.
We are obviously not our grades, our jobs, our club memberships, our health problems. We as adults are the Cultural architects for ourselves and we can find many tribes where we belong based on mutual interests and experiences. No one other than ourselves can define our culture.
So before we pigeon hole ourselves or others let’s look at who the Cultural Architect of the moment is and try to use some self-compassion. Who is your Cultural Architect right now? Of what tribes are you a member?
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